It

So as many of you know I joined the Marines back in October of last year, and since that time I have been waiting to leave for basic training. I have now tried to leave for said training three times and have now been presented with a new opportunity at the place I work that is by far a better option. So, I am withdrawing my commitment to the Marines. Family, and Friends have expressed a lot of resistance to this change despite most of the same people being extremely angry with me when I originally joining. They seem to feel the choice will ruin opportunities to succeed in my life and get to what ever IT is that I am trying to get too.
I cant really say what IT is, if I know what I want IT to be or if I know how to find IT which is not entirely good for a 21 year old. This is very possibly the problem in my life, and why this world is such a freaking screwed up place. I wanna get angry, I wanna shout at the people around me or shout for them, to let me live my life how I feel is best. Push through everything, and come up with nothing, that's what I've been finding a lot of the last three years and that is probably due to a lack of foresight on my part. But I want to be happy, weather it's making average income doing something I love after collage or being... a doctor? I don't know but I do know I do not want to force myself into something just to fulfill some inner obligation to KNOW what IT is. But things are looking up, I have a great job that makes attending school a financially sound thing to do, despite the fact that I am receiving a lot of grief from people about not following through with commitments. But why does everything have to be so black and white? What if I don't want to live my life the way IT is supposed to be. I will always always keep the commitments I make to the people I care about and I feel like everyone should do the same. I will take accountability for my actions, stand up for what I feel is right, and push my self to be the best Me I can be. That said why should my pursuit of IT be dictated by others perceptions of my plan to get IT, why do I feel so anxious and guilty about changing my direction just because it isn't what I told everyone was the plan. Shouldn't I grab onto a better opportunity if IT is given to me? I am tired of feeling like my life is something that others grief over my choices is something that should motivate me into doing things I don't want to do. Not saying I would ever do anything self destructive or selfish to cause others pain but that's just the problem, I am not doing those things. So basically this is me wishing for more freedom, not just to do what I want but for the things I do to be accepted. Some trust that I will get to IT because I know me and I will find a way to do so, and some support in what ever decisions I make to get there. I dont think any one has ever read my blog so I'm mostly writing this to vent feelings of frustration and this probably doesn't make sense to any one but if some ones does read it, I hope if nothing else you can take away the idea that in the end we will look back at the end of our lives and realize despite how other people feel about the choices we made it was those choices that made us who we are. So do what you feel is best for you, in the end, that's what will take you to IT.